“If the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do?” Psalm 11:3
To have a great courtship that will culminate in a strong and successful marriage, there are foundations you must put in place.
Ignoring such can pose a serious problem for the future marriage.
- God’s Leading. You must be sure God is the one leading you into that relationship before going into it. I was talking to a brother a few days ago, who told me he does not believe in God’s leading in marriage because his church does not believe it. That is pathetic! Please, God should be the central figure in your life; your life should revolve around Him. If you fail to involve Him in any area of your life; you will suffer for it. If He is not reigning in your life, He will resign. Allow Him to lead you. He ‘manufactured’ marriage and knows what is good for you. (Rom. 8:14, Prov. 19:14)
- Love. Before you go into courtship, please ensure you love the other person. Even if you see forty ‘visions’ you must wait until love develops. If you are not in love, you are not in God. Love is a major test of the will of God. If God is truly leading you, He will give you the grace to love him or her. It is dangerous to go into any relationship with any fellow you do not love. Please, don’t do it.
- Prayer. Start early to pray for your life-partner. Even if you are not ready for marriage, just pray generally telling God to lead you when the time comes. When you are ready, say specific prayers. Tell God to lead you to the sister or lead the brother to you.
- Maturity. “To everything, there’s a season and a time for every purpose under heaven……A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing”. (Eccl. 3:1, 5b). Before you go into any relationship, please make sure you are mature for it. Maturity is not a date on the calendar; it is a stage in life. It involves
A.Physical Maturity. Before you go into any relationship, make sure you are matured physically. Going into courtship when you are under 21 is not good at all. It takes a matured mind for real love to develop while the immature mind can only be infatuated.
B.Emotional Maturity. Make sure you are in charge of your emotion. If you cannot control your emotion, don’t venture into courtship. Fear, malice, anger, and pride must be far from somebody that is matured emotionally.
C.Social Maturity. If you are socially deficient, please don’t go into courtship. If you can not keep a good relationship with people of your sex, I wonder how you are going to fare relating with the opposite sex.
D.Financial Maturity. You must be financially matured, meaning having a source of livelihood.
Besides financial maturity, you must neither be stingy nor extravagant. Payment of tithes is compulsory and offering is a necessity.
E.Intellectual Maturity. You must have acquired a particular training, informal or vocational school to earn a living or still undergoing training.
F.Spiritual Maturity. You must not be a new convert (1 Cor. 3:2). You must be born again, Spirit-filled, able to recognize God’s voice, prayerful and rooted in the word of God.
G.Character. Before you start a relationship with anybody, check his or her character very well. A brother who is the PRESIDENT of the fellowship may not be a RESIDENT of heaven. That Deacon may be a DRAGON at home, that singer may be a “serpent”. Open your eyes widely, look before you leap.
H.Attraction. Never marry a man or woman you won’t be proud to introduce. If you do not fancy her look at 25, how will you possibly do when she is 45 and her breast becomes flabby after four kids?
article written by Pastor Bisi Adewale